The Dreaded Four Letter Word

As I sit here thinking about all my life goals that I will be working on this year, I come to the one that has eluded me for years. It's a want; a dream that it eludes lots of people. It doesn't discriminate; it crosses all race and age barriers.  It scares lots of people the dreaded four letter word or  is it 2 words; a two letter and a four letter word. It is words that when shown on TV or movies or shown in public and I get the privilege of seeing it....I slightly vomit in the back of my throat and feel sorta sick.

Hmmmm Do you know what word/words that I'm talking about are???  It's the dreaded love or in love or is it in-love.

 I can honestly say, I have only been in-love once. And I freely walked away from it last New Years Day 2012 and have not regretted it once. So no, I'm not bitter as some think I'm. The guy that I walked away from regrets it but I haven't. Even though it was painful and hard it is what I needed to do.

I ask myself why......others get to be in-love and I can't find it. Why I can't find a real relationship. I know I'm not the only one who ask this question of themselves...

 I have voiced that I want one. Even posted it, wrote it as a goal and even prayed for it. Thinking God might intervene.....surely he would like to see me in-love.

My daughter signed me up for a dating site. I have changed my thoughts on love and yet still nothing...

I get asked all the time Why.....I'm not remarried, Why there isn't a special person in my life. I ask that question to myself  too.... At the risk of sounding vain, I'm not ugly. I have never had a hard time getting a guy. It's finding a guy who wants to have a real relationship with me....so what is wrong with me.....

It has been pointed out more then once to me that it's my fault.....that I'm to busy, to involved in my family and career,  to strong of a person. AND my favorite... that I don't pay enough attention to them or notice them, that I give off the wrong vibe...Hmmmm really! No matter what the complaint or problem is, it's my fault, even my X husband would say it's my fault. It makes one begin to question is it really my fault? So if it's my fault then what about all the other girls that feel the same way I do? Is it their fault too? Guys aren't to blame?

I have given thought to this AND in my big girl panties....I will say yes, it's all my fault. It's every girls fault...No, I'm not bitter just tired of constantly being told that everything that goes wrong is my fault...so I have re-evaulated things and guess what......

It's not my fault or other girls faults.......

Guys want to blame everything on the girl, guys create drama; course guys did invent drama. As much as they say they don't like it, they are stuck to it like glue......girls clean up the mess from the drama. It's easier for guys to blame the girl and as girls we just suck it up and take it. Now in all fairness girls do create some of the problems. In my own observation I would say this is......and yes, I tested this out...

Actions speak louder then words AND no action no words speak volumes.... 

Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. 
I think the biggest problem with relationships is communication and the lack of it...the inability to take action and voice your words and be understood. That some carry baggage and assumptions with them and think everyone else does too....some think they can carry on a relationship via txt messages...they forgo seeing the person or chatting with them on the phone. Yes, txt message is great if your sex texting or quick communication...but pass that should not replace spoken communication. But sadly in today society it is....I'm guilty of this too...
Relationships are work, most people are not willing to put the time and effort into them. 
As for me, I'm willing to put the work into a relationship but..........winning the Lotto is more likely then having one~~